How the Feeling of Being "Stuck" Led Me to Find My Purpose.

How the Feeling of Being "Stuck" Led Me to Find My Purpose.

Signing the book contract to Monroe Tales

Signing the book contract to Monroe Tales

Do you know that feeling of being “stuck”?  You are “stuck” in the same routine of doing the same thing day after day with no purpose.  You find yourself searching for something that you are passionate about and wonder how much longer you can withstand each day not having something to look forward to?

Yeah you can surround yourself with your loved ones or buy things to distract you from your feelings but at the end of the day you still feel “stuck”.  There are so many things to be grateful for each day – heck even just being alive – but as humans, we find ourselves wanting a purpose for our life.  It is an innate quality that you cannot ignore.

I spent my days working a desk job, coming home to my loving family, and being able to financially splurge on a Starbucks or a Panera trip without worrying.   I know those are fortunate things to have in life, but I kept feeling like there was more that I should be doing.  I felt “stuck” in the same routine.  I needed to add something to give me PURPOSE. 

Curious about my book?  Check it out here! 

For over a year I prayed for God to show me what it is I need to be doing.  I tried finding another job, but nothing ever panned out.  We would go on trips or adventures but the excitement from all of that was only temporary.  I kept feeling like I was hitting dead ends. 

Out of the blue we were hit with a deployment in the midst of my existential crisis.  This terrified me to death.  My rock, best friend, and husband was going to be leaving me for nine months.  This also led me to feel even more “stuck” in my life because for the next nine months of my life was going to be on hold. 

Putting aside all the worry you have for your loved one’s safety, you constantly battle with yourself when your loved one is deployed.  You battle your emotional well-being as you are constantly reassuring yourself that you can make it through without them.  You battle guilt because you do not want to experience life without them but (ironically) in order to maintain your sanity you have to, and you battle stress.  A stressor is always present when your loved one is gone.  Heck – deployment has the nickname “destroyment” for a reason.  Everything magically always stops working the second they leave (I dealt with a Monroe injury, a car breaking down, and having to buy a new washer and dryer – to name a few). 

I worried about how I was going to pass the time because I did not have many extracurricular activities.  My routine was always work, walk Monroe, make dinner, and hang out as a family – every day.  Now my husband was leaving and I had to make a new routine that did not involve him.  Let’s be honest - my routine basically stayed the same minus the fact that I got to watch what I wanted on TV or cook a meal that he would not usually eat (bean dip for dinner anyone?).  Still through developing a semi-new routine, that “stuck” feeling never left. 

Monroe on one of our countless walks that led to my inspiration

Monroe on one of our countless walks that led to my inspiration

As deployment drug on, out of the blue, I was (metaphorically)  hit in the face with inspiration while I was walking Monroe.  A fire lit inside me that caused a passion to unfold, one that I did not know existed.  Suddenly my purpose was made clear to me like it was written in the sky “write a children’s book on your experience with deployment”.  There was no rhyme or reason to how this idea popped into my head but I knew that it was fate and faith.  God had a plan all along and I just had to have patience to see what it was. 

In my post about what inspired Monroe Tales: It’s Not Goodbye, It’s See You Later {click here if you need to catch up}, I explained the topic of my purpose – a children’s book, so I will not go into it again. 

Now I know it is crazy to think that writing a book would be my purpose but the feeling I had while writing reassured me that I was doing the right thing.  Words flowed so easily from my head to my hands in a seamless transition that before I knew it, I had a story.  The act of writing was so therapeutic that I felt a huge sense of accomplishment after completing just one sentence.  My success at my task was not at the forefront of my mind but rather just an added bonus if it were to accompany the pages I penned. 

It is absolutely mind boggling to me how events in your life unfold new opportunities and PURPOSE.  The feeling of being “stuck” faded away and I was filled with a new passion.  Suddenly I would find myself day dreaming about the book I had a draft of or what life would be like if I ever became a successful author.  Most of all I would day dream about the impact my story would have on those who would choose to read it.  I pictured this book being read as a bedtime story comforting little ones whose loved ones were away, not able to tuck them in at night. 

Whether or not I am successful at my purpose is still unknown.  My feeling of success is not dependent on sales but rather on the faces I am able to bring smiles to and the minds I can ease with the understanding of a difficult time in life.  I love the community I am involved with and the community I am growing with those who support me.  I guarantee that this is not going to be the only time I search for a purpose in life or experience the feeling of being “stuck”.  However, for now, I will cultivate my current purpose while waiting for another to smack me in my face. 

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What is something that makes you passionate and gives you purpose?

 

Always chase your tales, 

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See how my latest purpose is changing my life on my Instagram


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